I'm baaaaack.

I guess I got distracted with other things and then I slipped into a couple of days where I didn't have anything nice to say and I didn't really feel like using this to whine but that seems to have passed so here I am again.

I got a call yesterday from someone who wants to interview me for a real job. Regular, full-time, day hours and everything. It's a front desk position at what seems to be a very small, very primitive (no website and apparently no contact email even) staffing agency. So I'd be doing things like answering phones, dealing with initial employee visits, data entry, filing, all that jazz. I honestly don't remember applying for the job and I've never heard of the company so it's a little weird but on the other hand, no huge corporate hoops to jump through in the hiring process, I'll be interviewed by the staffing agency people who tend to be less uptight about interviews and things, and the job is in walking distance. If I get it, I think it would all be pretty good. On the other hand, it also means that I'd be working in a tiny office with people that I'd have to get along with or else, I'd be out front so I'd feel exposed all the time, and of course, I'd have to deal directly with the public. But if it was all fun and games they wouldn't pay me to do it so I'd just have to deal with it.

At least it seems like the whole thing will probably be decided one way or the other fairly quickly which is a good thing. The interview is Monday morning so I don't have a lot of time to torture myself thinking about it and that can only help. I guess we'll see how things go.

Yesterday my son turned 13. I didn't actually talk to him since we just don't do phones and things. I'm fine in person but I'm just not good at the distance thing. Bleh. I'm sure he had a good day anyway and I'll see him next month and make up for it somehow. Selfishly, I also realized that since the beginning of the month I haven't been wracking up back child support on my daughter and I only have five more years of it for my son. It's been 11 years already so I'm very ready for it to be over.

Sunday is my two-year anniversary with Josh. It's kind of an arbitrary anniversary though. It's the day I got to Utah but since there were sexy times that day, I decided that made it sort of official. Really all it means is that it's an official excuse to think about how lucky I am to be with him and how very much I love him. So that's nice. I pretty much do that every day though, even without an excuse. I don't need one with him.

I decided the other day that Josh and I should buy a piece of land and raise goats. I think it would be a pretty awesome thing for the two of us to do together. Apparently raising them for meat is the highest profit margin but I don't think I really have what it takes to send the cute little things off to slaughter. I'd like to go the dairy route but there are a lot of restrictions on that type of operation. The easiest way to go would probably be to raise them for fiber. So either Angoras, Pygoras (a cross between a Pygmy and an Angora), Nigoras (a cross between Nigerians and Angoras which would also mean milk production), or Cashmeres. Of those options, I think my preference would be the Nigoras. You can start your own herd by getting a few Angora does and a Nigerian buck and off they go making little Nigoras. Too cool.

Also, if you raise goats, you totally get to buy yourself a llama because they serve to guard the herd from coyotes. And how could you not want a llama? So yeah, that's my latest crazy idea. I guess we'll see.

I think that about covers things for now so I guess I'll quit writing things.

Quiet day in my brain today.

Well, technically yesterday since it's just after midnight, but whatever. Probably the biggest thing that happened is that the neighbor upstairs had her car towed. I'm pretty sure it was repossessed. Josh was outside having a smoke when it happened and he went upstairs to let her know and apparently she seemed surprised at first but then seemed to figure out what was going on. I believe she's fairly recently divorced. She's about five years older than me and has a fairly young daughter (pre-teen) who visits but seems to primarily live with her dad. She also has a boyfriend who is always there when her daughter isn't.

Purely based on speculation and personal experience, I'm guessing the car getting towed can probably be traced directly back to the divorce somehow. It really sucks how ending a relationship can absolutely tank you financially. Like these things aren't already hard enough. Boo. I feel bad for her and I hope she can work things out and get her car back.

On another note, I just made it through my Tumblr dash, which I recently started checking again. Out of everything on there, I think this struck me the most: http://polyamorousmisanthrope.tumblr.com/post/47458074042/secondary-clarity

It's basically a post about how some poly people seem to be treating the whole thing as some sort of game or something and treating a third person as somehow less than equal. I really don't understand that as a concept. That kind of behavior really strikes me as being way less about love and way more about sex. Which is fine as long as everyone is up front about it and willingly chooses it. But if you're being dishonest about it that's just cruel.

I really want a blueberry muffin all the sudden. Maybe I'll make some when Josh wakes up. Then we could eat them with some corned beef hash and maybe some eggs. I'm making myself really hungry which is not at all helpful right now. We only went to bed a little over five hours ago. Josh isn't going to be up and ready to eat for hours. I'm sure I'll have to wander into the kitchen and try to very quietly find something to eat in the dark. Times like these make me wish it was possible to close off the kitchen completely or at least a little bit. One of the disadvantages of a studio apartment. Oh well. It's really such a first world kind of a problem. "Woe is me, my totally safe, climate controlled, modern environment just doesn't let me turn on lights and make noise without disturbing the other occupant." I'm such a whiner.

Hmm, what else? I've seen two pics of my daughter from her senior prom so far. She spray tanned beforehand and she's really dark. I avoided making any Jersey Shore comments directly to her but it was tough. As usual though, she's totally gorgeous. I still don't know where she gets it from. I'm amazingly proud of her. Considering all the crap she's had to deal with between me and her dad she'd certainly have an excuse to be a screw up or to be angry at is but she's the exact opposite. She's totally together and just as sweet as a bag of sugar dipped in chocolate.

Mkay, I think that might be it for now. I should probably go and check for jobs for a while and see if I can accomplish anything. Ciao!

Wow, so I managed to sleep most of the day away. I got to sleep around 4:30, woke up at 8:30 since Josh was going to be coming home, realized I was in no way ready to be awake and was back in bed in less than an hour, slept until noon, made food and a liquor store run, went back to bed when Josh did at 5:00, and slept until almost 9:30. Apparently I was tired.

Anyway, I realized just now as I was perusing a thread on my very favorite forum that even in the worst bits of my winter bout of SAD that I haven't really been unhappy. The longer I'm with Josh, the longer real sadness seems to be out of the question. There's a rational part of me that looks at that and knows that part of that is my co-dependence and that's worrying but most of me just enjoys being reasonably functional for the most part.

I mean, sure, I still have nights when he's at work and I take a nap instead of getting around to doing the dishes but that's more being aware of the fact that it's virtually impossible for this place to really get that dirty. With such a small space, it's really pretty easy to get it all put back in order pretty quickly. And I don't spend as much time looking for jobs as I probably should but it's easy to get caught back up when so few are posted for this place.

I don't know. I guess it's kind of strange for me to both be consistently happy and aware of it at the same time. I spent so long being miserable all the time with the ex that I got used to that being normal. I hate what it cost me to get out of that situation but as selfish as it was, I can't regret it.

When I did wake up a while ago, I was convinced that the person snoring next to me was my friend Dylan though. I'd been having a dream about him where Josh and I were holding a huge bag of money for him and when he came in from the wilderness and we gave it to him I insisted that he needed to use part of it to buy himself a new bed. So he took off to run some errands and then meet with the rest of us (I'm not really sure who all else was there but there was definitely a group. Anyway, when we got to within a few blocks of the store I got impatient and left everyone else behind and went to find him at the store. Instead of looking at real beds he was looking at sleeper sofas. I was pretty convinced that there was no way he was going to be comfortable on one of those but I woke up before I could talk him out of it. So, Dylan, if you read this, don't get a sleeper sofa. Your back will not be happy.

Hmm, I guess that's all I've got for now. I'll probably be back later after Josh heads for work. See ya!

New day, new post.

Well, it's well after midnight (almost 3:30 my time) so I figured I might as well post again. I've been up for over 20 hours now so who knows how much sense this will make.

I did have a thought earlier. If I do manage to get the customer service job, this would be an excellent place to chronicle the adventure of it all. Not to mention the perfect venue for the rather inevitable venting I'll need to be doing. If I could only get paid for the things I'm good at, like watching marathons of T.V. shows, scrolling through Tumblr, hanging out over on the forum, and generally being as non-productive as possible then I'd be all set. Alas, that seems unlikely to ever be a realistic possibility.

And now it is 3:30, so that's exciting. I guess.

I've had to take off my glasses, partially because they need to be cleaned, partially because I'm tired and they're harder to wear when my eyes are pooped, and partly because since my last prescription my eyes have decided to become elderly and seem to sincerely wish that I'd get them some bifocals. Grr.

I made Josh a pretty epic omelet yesterday. I cooked up some diced mushrooms and onions along with a few skinless sausage links. Once they were done I added the eggs and once the eggs were set I topped it with fresh spinach and cheddar cheese. It was kind of huge but he managed to eat it all so I think it must have been okay.

My last meal was actually a bowl of instant mashed potatoes. It was a lot less work than the omelet. I might have been more tempted to make myself a salad if I'd remembered to buy croutons last time I was at the store. I need the crunch to really enjoy it.

My daughter's prom is tonight. Her last big high school dance before she graduates. Crazy. I can't wait to see her next month at her graduation. It's been way too long. I really wish I were driving out there instead of taking the bus but I don't have a car and the bus is cheaper than 1,800 miles worth of gas.

I still have this nagging little worry that her dad might go all psycho and things could go really badly but I can't do anything about that. Hopefully he leaves his guns out of it.

Anyway, it's late (3:44 as of now) so I suppose I should finish this episode of M*A*S*H  and then consider getting some sleep. Nighty night!

You know, it occurs to me that as I've claimed that I shall ramble here that that means I can pretty much post any darned thing I want to whenever I feel like it and it will still totally fit.

Oh.

My.

God.

I've just given my brain an internet vomrom (Sorry for the inside reference if you happen not to be in on it. I'd explain but it's almost inexplicable. There was a dog's vagina involved though, if that helps).

Currently, my brain is rather impressed by the way that Josh (should you happen to be an internet friend I haven't met yet, Josh is my boyfriend) can take up the entirety of our queen sized bed with almost zero effort. It makes me almost feel guilty that the poor thing ever has to try and share the space with me. But then I remember that when he has to share the space it means that he's getting to sleep with me and then I stop feeling sorry for him.

This is the place where I shall ramble.

Well, I've had this blog sitting out there forever without actually adding anything to it. I suppose maybe it's time to go ahead and change that. Now the question is, what in the world am I going to put on here? I suppose I'm just going to write whatever randomly comes to mind.

I'm not really good at follow through either so there's a decent chance that this will be the one and only post ever made on this blog. Only time will tell. I suppose for today I'll just vent about what a pain in the ass life is.

The sort of overall problem is that I have zero money. That is a direct result of both not having a job and not being and heiress or lottery winner. The heiress option seems to be a permanent non-option considering who my relatives are and their lack of inheritable wealth. The lottery is out as long as I'm in Utah since they don't participate in any. So that leaves the getting a job thing. Which I've been trying to do without success for almost 16 months now, not even counting the time I spent job searching while I was employed.

The job market here in Ogden is not great. There are a lot of manufacturing jobs but physically that's just not something I'm going to be able to do. There are a few call centers but I haven't had any luck with those. There are a lot of listings for jobs in the medical field and support positions but I don't seem to get any calls back on those. The whole thing is incredibly frustrating and has taken a serious toll on my self-worth, especially in those instances where I've gotten as far as the interview and been found not to be up to snuff. I really am trying not to lose all hope but it hasn't been easy.

I applied for three more jobs this morning. One is a medical support position doing billing and data entry. One was for an answering service. And the third was for a customer service position working from home. Of the three of them, it seems most likely that I'd get the third.

The main problem with the third is that you aren't guaranteed 40 hours so you can't necessarily count on a specific income. But, you can add and drop hours pretty much whenever you want so the schedule is super flexible. And it's a pretty portable job as long as you get yourself a landline wherever you go. All the training and the entire hiring process are online as well so my lack of transportation wouldn't be an issue. There's a little bit of an investment that would need to be made (you have to pay for a background check, install a landline, and have a headset for your phone) but they're not a big deal really.

I don't know. If it works out it could be decent even if it isn't necessarily the kind of work I'd prefer but it will pay the bills. All I have to do now is wait and hope.

Wish me luck!