Wow, so I managed to sleep most of the day away. I got to sleep around 4:30, woke up at 8:30 since Josh was going to be coming home, realized I was in no way ready to be awake and was back in bed in less than an hour, slept until noon, made food and a liquor store run, went back to bed when Josh did at 5:00, and slept until almost 9:30. Apparently I was tired.

Anyway, I realized just now as I was perusing a thread on my very favorite forum that even in the worst bits of my winter bout of SAD that I haven't really been unhappy. The longer I'm with Josh, the longer real sadness seems to be out of the question. There's a rational part of me that looks at that and knows that part of that is my co-dependence and that's worrying but most of me just enjoys being reasonably functional for the most part.

I mean, sure, I still have nights when he's at work and I take a nap instead of getting around to doing the dishes but that's more being aware of the fact that it's virtually impossible for this place to really get that dirty. With such a small space, it's really pretty easy to get it all put back in order pretty quickly. And I don't spend as much time looking for jobs as I probably should but it's easy to get caught back up when so few are posted for this place.

I don't know. I guess it's kind of strange for me to both be consistently happy and aware of it at the same time. I spent so long being miserable all the time with the ex that I got used to that being normal. I hate what it cost me to get out of that situation but as selfish as it was, I can't regret it.

When I did wake up a while ago, I was convinced that the person snoring next to me was my friend Dylan though. I'd been having a dream about him where Josh and I were holding a huge bag of money for him and when he came in from the wilderness and we gave it to him I insisted that he needed to use part of it to buy himself a new bed. So he took off to run some errands and then meet with the rest of us (I'm not really sure who all else was there but there was definitely a group. Anyway, when we got to within a few blocks of the store I got impatient and left everyone else behind and went to find him at the store. Instead of looking at real beds he was looking at sleeper sofas. I was pretty convinced that there was no way he was going to be comfortable on one of those but I woke up before I could talk him out of it. So, Dylan, if you read this, don't get a sleeper sofa. Your back will not be happy.

Hmm, I guess that's all I've got for now. I'll probably be back later after Josh heads for work. See ya!